White Walls
by UmiHoshi
Summary: I followed Germany. Much as others, I was left little choice. And I was trialled for it. To be left in this room. forgotten... XTeFu. hallucinating.X


I don't remember...

when it is I came here...

or how long it has been...

all I know is, that...

...these 4 white walls have become the entirety of my world...

* * *

1946

The world is at peace. But not healed.

what before was considered 'human' was now either 'a nazi', 'a jew' or 'an american' and their supporters.

All I know for myself is that my name is Tezuka Kunimitsu. And I was born in Germany. and as that.. I am German.

And I followed Germany. Much as others, I was left little choice.

And I was trialled for it.

_To be left in this room. forgotten._

* * *

I had given up on screaming. And pleaing for forgiveness.

I soon noticed no human hand was conected to the small shutter that suplied me with food.

I asume they did not wish to dirty their hands with me and decided to keep me alive.

and so I'll have to stay here.

_Untill when?_

I don't know...

_why?_

I don't know...

_..._

* * *

I can't separate day from night. I sleep when I am tired. and eat when I'm hungry.

I scribble on the walls, aimlessly. in lack of a pen.

_What are you writing?_

Stories... Stories of which I don't know the beginning or the ending..

_Will you tell me them?_

...There is little to tell...

_I see..._

* * *

I woke up sweating today. I can't remember why, though.

_You're cute when you're like that. it's okay..._

...Who are you?

_..._

* * *

Hours, days go by with me staring into nothing.

but I feel something brush past my shoulders once in a while. it's comforting. but sad.

I know there is nothing there.

* * *

When I close my eyes, I imagine blue. not the white surounding me, but blue like the far stretched sky against the afternoon sun. before I'll forget it too.

on a day where a fever struck me, the blue remained when I opened my eyes.

_Hey... be careful with yourself..._

But who is there to worry over me when I die?

_..._

* * *

_It's lonely, isn't it?_

Ah, it is...

_You're not very talkative..._

...who are you?

* * *

_Fuji...I'm Fuji._

...mountains... I long to see mountains. and the sea and sky, that has the color of your eyes...

_you're flattering... How is your fever?_

It's fine.. it passed away for the most part.

...why are you here?

_..I don't know... But I am._

...I am too.

_Then we both are... but.. it's not as lonely like this, is it?_

* * *

I feel Fuji lean against my shoulder.

_Living like this is tiring..._

Do you want to sleep?

_there is little else to do down here, neh?_

ah...

_You could at least say 'let's talk'?_

I'm not very talkative, though.

Fuji smiled.

"Mah... I don't mind talking, if it's for you... you're my only companion, afterall."

_"...that's true..."_

* * *

"Where are you from?"

Fuji thought it over._ "I don't recall too well. but the world outside is beautiful."_

"I'd want to see it again..."

Fuji's smile was warm. _"One day, I'm sure you will again.."_

* * *

"You're not hungry?"

_"I'm fine, don't worry about me. you need it."_

"You're a mysterious one."

_"hm. But doesn't that make me cute?"_

I carefully dared to caress his face. "hm. You are..."

* * *

Another unknown nightmare. The night was so cold.

But I felt Fuji lean against me. he pulled me closer, like a mother.

"...Fuji.." I whimpered. It didn't matter to act shamefully... because there was no one.

_"shhh..."_ Fuji's soft endearing chuckle sounded as he patted trough my hair.

And I felt save. and calm. and sheltered.

* * *

"Isn't it.. weird? to sleep like this?"

Fuji snuggled closer. _"hmm... no. why?"_

"...I don't know..."

_"Tezuka, you think of a lot of things... but know little..."_

He lisped my name gently, though I never told it to him.

and it struck me that... Fuji knew... Fuji knew who I was.

But still, he accepted me with a gracious smile.

Fuji was just a boy... and I loved him for that.

* * *

I held him close against me as I carefully wrote on the walls again.

_"What is it you're writing?"_

I stopped in my track. "You can't see?"

_"hm... I can't see."_

"...not at all?"

_"...no longer."_

"..."

_"I can see you, though."_

"..."

I burried my nose in his hair.

I pittied him...

but he didn't seem pittiful whatsoever.

nor did he pitty me.

the gentleness in his eyes, on his face. his posture. in his voice. it was like he believed to have anything in the world he needed.

* * *

"...I wish I could have met you.."

Fuji had persisted for me to use his lap as a pillow for a while.

_"...? how do you mean?"_

"In any other place then here.."

_"hmm... here is not all too bad, though. nothing can desturb us. and I have you all to myself."_

* * *

"you haven't always been blind?"

_hm.I haven't.._

...what's the last thing you remember seeing?

_...you.._

...we met before?

_hm. we did..._

I gazed down, slightly realizing.

...was it my fault?

fuji carefully stroked my hair. _"it doesn't matter anymore. because i love you."_

* * *

Fuji

_yes?_

am I insane?

_perhaps.._

am i delusional?

_...yes.._

..are you not real?

_..._

fuji cupped my cheeks

_..do you want me to be real?_

...I looked at him quite puzzled. he smiled back.

_"Then that's just fine, right? there's no one here to judge you..."_

there's no one here...

there's no one here...

* * *

Fuji amazes me. Just who is he? and why is he here with me?

He turns to me whenever I stare at him, like he knows.

he sees right trough me...

_"What is it?"_

"no... I just..."

He giggled.

_"what? you don't have to act embarrassed if it's just me."_

"...You're very beautiful.."

_"Really so?"_

"ah... If it weren't for your company, I would be going mad.."

_"...Isn't it the other way around?"_

"...?"

_"no.. never mind."_

* * *

I'm holding him in my arms again.

He's my only comfort.

I can't let go of him.

but he doesn't seem to mind.

He's just contemptibly leaning on my shoulder.

his lips stroking past my jaw, up to my cheek.

_"I love you."_ He whispered, as if I didn't actually have to hear it to already know.

"Fuji.." Before I could speak, he pressed his lips against mine.

_"I will be with you forever. If that is all I can do, I will..."_

* * *

"Who are you?"

"Why are you here?"

"Who are you?"

My questions saddened Fuji. time after time.

_"I can't tell you."_

"why?"

_"I don't want you to be hurt."_

"But..."

_"Forget...Forget who you are and who I am._

_All of it doesn't matter anymore._

_Right..._

_If we were born in any other circumstances, we would definitely be like this..."_

* * *

"Fuji...What is it I've done to you?"

"..."

"It's my fault, isn't it?"

_"Tezuka..." _He pressed against my arms and kissed me again. and again. and again.

sorrowful. wanting to protect the little bit of humanity that was left of me.

And I answered.

* * *

I'm sure that... when I recall, the dream will end.

But what is the dream? and what is reality?

Am I free to choose the dream over reality?

Who would be there to tell me not to?

Surely, Fuji would accept anything of me.

Even as my fingers carefully trace the skin on his body, I cannot shake the feeling that...

_"Don't think... please?"_

"..hm..."

I sunk into him.

I was lost in him.

Fuji had become my world. And I was his world.

The world inside these 4 walls, that seemed endless.

But it wasn't endless.

* * *

"Thank you.. Fuji.."

The world had stopped.

And still, I knew nothing.

I was left forgotten. the world outside the box had stopped to care for my primary needs. like light. food. oxygen. water. health.

Fuji held my hand as I was resting on him. Knowing the dream would end.

my body felt feverish cold. And light long faded danced in front of my eyes.

_"Surely, when awake, the dream seems so short..."_

"I won't forget it... I was glad to have met you."

...Will you come along with me?

_I already am..._

ah... I know..

_I'll wait for you. wherever we are going._

* * *

Ah... I remember now...

It was a room like this one.

completely white.

like a ghost's room.

And Fuji was there too...

I was the doctor responcible for him.

The SS had started a project to create a race of people with blond hair and blue eyes.

Fuji was one of our test subjects...

* * *

I blinded him...

...They pummeled around with him...

Disgraced him...

...And he died...

* * *

...The only person I ever loved in my cold existence...died in my arms...

* * *

and now... I can do the same. If only a mirage, Fuji is real to me.

"Fuji..."

"Tezuka..."

* * *

"I _L_o_v_e _Y_o_u_."

* * *

.

* * *

.

* * *

.

* * *

Author comment:

Yes, I know this fic is very very weird OTL It's just an abstract role play I did a while ago. and I was inspired to write it down when I saw something about The Major in Hellsing Ultimate. (disgusting fellow...)  
Since it's not very clear what just happened, I'll explain here:

Tezuka was a doctor/scientist for the nazi's and experimented to create übermenchen (blue eyes, blond hair), like he explained. and he met Fuji there.  
But Fuji died.  
And after the war, Tezuka was arrested and put in isolation. he then slowly grew mad and started to hallucinate. and that's what this fic is about.

I'm not usually very big of a fan of war stories, but they're interesting in their own way (ironically, 2 other PoT fics of mine refer to WOII too...)  
so it might or might not be to your taste aswell, but I hope you enjoyed it.


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